All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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