Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
