the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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