Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
