guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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