is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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