i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
