that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
