I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
