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I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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