I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
