i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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