It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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