I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
