Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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