I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
