Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I queefed so loud it echoed.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
