She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
