how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
