Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
