how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
