sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
