It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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