i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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