I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
