Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You don't make any sense
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