I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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