You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
