then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
