It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Come on in and take your pants off
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