He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
