Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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