so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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