I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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