I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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