wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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