Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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