Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
