I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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