john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
