his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
