You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
