i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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