im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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