I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
