The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
