She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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