so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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