my mouth tastes like poor choices
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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