Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
