You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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