I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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