I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
