I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
im six kinds of drunk right now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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