Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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