if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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