you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
