I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
