its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
