Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
