My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
