just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
