He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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