I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
