I'm really into asian looking animals
I could have mohawked her pubes.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
