Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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